hungry

So, I'm probably going to do a 40 hour fast this weekend. I'm leaving for Haiti in 9 days. When I went last June, the thing I struggled with the most was going out into villages, playing with and showering love on kids and adults who were starving, telling them about Jesus (which I do think is incredibly important), and then leaving them... and going back to our house and eating like kings. Sure, sometimes we'd give the kids a tootsie roll, but for someone who maybe gets one meal a day? Not so helpful. Maybe even harmful.

We aren't fed so well just for fun... there is a purpose for it. We're Americans who are used to eating three meals a day, who have traveled a great distance to a country with rampant disease to work in not so great conditions for very long hours. The fact is, we need our sustenance if we're going to work efficiently. But knowing that didn't make me feel any less guilty. I knew I had to eat, but I couldn't help but think about all the people I'd seen who could use the food so much more than I could.

So, I've decided to fast. The purpose is to pray, meditate, and prepare for my trip both mentally and spiritually. I want to take time to prepare, but also to get the whole guilt thing out of my system. By fasting I will hopefully be able to relate better instead of just having guilt and pity that is completely foreign and unintelligible. I considered 3 days, because it's a nice round number. I considered 30 hours, because I've done 30 hours before. I decided that 3 days, taking my body size into consideration, is too long. It's also important that I be able to do this while not working, since being hungry and at work will not be conducive to what I am trying to achieve. 30 hours is simply not long enough. So, 40 hours, modeled after the 40 days that Jesus fasted, is my conclusion. Long enough to experience hunger, short enough not to lose scary amounts of weight, and conveniently, I have this whole weekend off of work.

So, there's my plan. I'm getting ready to be hungry.

Obama and Special Olympics

You may have heard, and if you haven't already, I'm sure you will hear all about a comment that Barack Obama made the other day, comparing his lack of bowling skills to the Special Olympics. He's had to publicly apologize for it, and of course people are in an uproar.

Seriously?

Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am not exactly an Obama supporter. I have said some pretty awful things about him in my day. But... really? The Special Olympics were created so that disabled people can compete in their own version of the Olympics... the original version of which they'd never stand a chance. The whole point is that because of mental or physical handicaps, they are unable to come anywhere near the level at which Olympic games are played. So, Obama was saying that he is incapable of bowling like a normal person. Is that so wrong? He made a joke. I laughed.

things to come

Hiii. I'm sitting here listening to showtunes, wondering what this week will hold. I need to apply to college, but let's face it, I'm terrified. I tried three different schools already and none of them "were right" (at the time, anyway). What if I talk this up so much, tell everyone how great it is that I've finally figured out what I'm going to do with my life, and then... I don't get into nursing school? Or what if I get in, start going, and then immediately hit the same wall I've hit three times already, the feeling of "this just isn't for me." I know one thing, and that's that I can't work in food service for the rest of my life. Something has to change, and in order for that change to occur I have to get off my behind and get a degree. Is it just sheer laziness that's kept me from that point so far? Laziness, cowardice, lying to myself. It's probably one or all of those.

Well. I'm going to Haiti in 16 days. I'm going to do as much nursing type things as I can while I'm there, and assuming I still don't lose my control and pass out or throw up, I'm going to consider it a sign that that's what I should be doing. I should probably fill out an application, or at least get my transcripts ready to go before then. I could totally see myself just putting it off until I miss a date, and then just use that as an excuse for putting it off another semester. One thing that I am excited for about going back to school... is that I will once again be in a place where it's not horribly intimidating to audition for a show. I want to be on stage again. It's been waaay too long, especially considering that it used to be what I thought I was going to do with my life. Soon, I'll try it again.

Facebook is actually EVIL.

Did you know that a few weeks ago Facebook, with very little warning, changed their policies, so now they actually OWN all of your photos. They can do whatever they want, whenever they want, with every single picture that you or one of your friends uploads. How crazy is that? I mean, I guess that as long as you have nothing to hide, you should have nothing to worry about, but honestly... we shouldn't have to worry about things like that.

Furthermore, think about how much this website controls each of our lives. Now we all have it on our cellphones, whether it's by texting the site, or just by using the internet on our cellphones. This website is actually attached to many of us at the hand. It is certainly attached to most of us at the mind, since it guides our lives in a way that, a few years ago, no one would have thought possible. That may sound silly, to say that "facebook guides our lives;" but, think about it. What's the first thing you do when you get home? For me and for most people I know, it is go to your computer, and check facebook. See if we have any wall posts or photo comments, or anything else. See if your friend played his move in your Scrabble game. You know.

And no matter what Facebook does to anger us, we keep using it. Think about all the changes that have happened, in 2005 Facebook went from a college-only networking site to allowing high school students in. College students eveywhere were enraged. It "took the legitimacy out of it." If they thought that was bad, "legitimacy" was really lost when Facebook decided to open its doors to people everywhere, whether students or otherwise. Back in 2006 it became what many of us called "stalkerbook," with newsfeed tellings us everything that was happening with our friends everywhere. I remember countless counter "groups" trying to convince the creators to go back to how it used to be. And now in the last year or so, it seems like new changes happen every month or so. And I'm talking major changes, in the way things look, things you can do, things you can't do, and things that Facebook can do with YOUR stuff. And how do we react? We make groups.

See what I mean? We're fighting fire with fire. Facebook LOVES it when we create angry groups, threatening to leave the site if they don't undo what they've done. No one's leaving. Facebook knows that. We'll never leave, because we're addicted. We're all stuck in this abusive Facebook relationship, and it's very complicated. Facebook does what it wants, makes us angry, steals our information, gossips about us, does all sorts of heartless, inappropriate things to us. But because we're all addicted to that little rush we get when we see "+ Friend Request!" or "-- wrote on your Wall." We're addicted to feeling like stars, knowing that all of our Facebook "Friends," just as addicted and unable to stop as we are, probably spend countless time staring at our photos or reading our self-descriptions.

I'm an addict. That's the first step, right? I want my life back. I want to quit Facebook.

so much to do

Next Friday is the Coffee House that I've been attempting to plan for the past couple months. I'm nervous because it feels like nothing is ready... I have five acts, possibly an MC, possibly food, and probably coffee. I have a sound guy, too, assuming he can get there in time after work. GAH.

I'm going to Haiti in less than a month. I still have to get all my vaccines... I just made an appointment at a travel clinic, and I am SO thankful that there wasn't a three month wait list or something, like there was when I need vaccinations last year. I still need to mail out my support letters for my trip. I thought I was going to be able to pay for this trip on my own, but it's looking more and more like I'll need some help. So little time..

A trip to Ireland is being planned for June with Ripley. Money is... so costly. But travel is... so incredible. I really hope this trip works out.

This weekend I'm babysitting for my little cousins. I can't wait to see them and play with them, but, let's face it. There are things that I seriously need to get done.


SO LITTLE TIME.

some air stories

In the Phoenix Airport, I went to Starbucks... as per usual. Airport Starbucks' are generally not corporate owned, instead they're "licensed locations..." which basically just means that they don't get health insurance, and I can't get my discount. So the Starbucks at PHX looked unusually spiffy, so I decided to ask "is this a licensed location, or are you corporate owned?" The guy behind the counter must get asked that question a hundred times a day, because he knowingly shook his head and apologized. He asked me where I worked, I told him Boston, and he continued to chat while making my drink... and then he gave me a discount. Ain't that sweet? Even Starbucks employees who aren't really Starbucks employees know where it's at.

On the plane, it was super super sunny because we were above the clouds... which were super super thick. My favorite quote of the trip was when a mom told a little boy to look out the window at the clouds, and he said "woah, that is puffy." For some reason... it took most of my strength to keep from not bursting out in laughter at his comment.

Coraline

Who knew that Coraline was 3D? I sure didn't. It was a very exciting surprise when I got to the theater and was handed some pretty BA 3D glasses. It really worked too; those glasses work wonders. You know, 3D glasses don't just work in movies, if you wear them in real life everything's 3D too. It's INSANE.

...That joke never gets old.

Anyway, Coraline was a pretty sweet movie. I did not intend to see it, so I was pleasantly impressed. It's certainly not a children's movie, as it was advertised. It was terrifying on many levels, and many moments left the audience wondering aloud what the hell was going on. Who in their right mind comes up with the idea of a spider/needle woman who kidnaps and murders children by convincing them to sew buttons into their eyes, thereby stealing their souls forever? No one, I don't think.

An incredibly crafted movie could only go up in my opinion when I recognized the voice of John Linnell, the lead singer for They Might be Giants. He was the voice of "The Other Father" and wrote and performed a song for the movie. It's quite a catchy tune.