<3 Day

I've been completely single and unattached for a little over a year now, and in that short time I've already begun to develop a reputation as one of those angry, bitter people who hates Valentine's Day. It's probably because I spent the prior week telling everyone I spoke with "I hate that day," "no, I'm doing nothing," "no, I have no plans," and "I'm trying not to think about it." The truth is I love Valentine's Day. I love love, and there is little I enjoy more than contrived reasons to make romantic gestures and eat cheap chocolate.

Now that I think about it, I realize I've never actually spent Valentine's Day with someone. All of the years I had a boyfriend it fell during the week, and that doesn't work when you're living far away from each other and going to school. My junior year in high school my boyfriend sent me a dozen red roses. I loved it, but my mom freaked out. "Red means passionate love! You're sixteen!" Yes Mom, and he loves me. We were so young. The next two years I had a different boyfriend, one who majorly lacked in the whole department of treating me like a princess. He lived at school, so he had an excuse to not do anything major. I think we must have done something on the weekend before or after, but it made such a big impression on me that I remember completely nothing.

These past two Valentine's Days I've spent working, trying to keep my mind off of the fact that no one wants me. It's National Singles Awareness Day, and that's what I hate. I have nothing against happy couples showering each other in adoration, and I hope I eventually get to participate in it. What I hate is being made painfully aware of my own... well, I could say just single-ness, but is that all there is to it? I'm not sure about everyone, but I think for most people, at least myself, being single for an extended period of time suggests some sort of defect or fault. It's like there's something wrong with me that makes me uninteresting or undateable.

My best friend since the third grade came to visit me at work yesterday. He brought me a bag full of candy. I don't know if he realized how much he pulled me out of the thoughts I was spouting in the previous paragraph. I'm the only one of my friends who doesn't even have a love interest, and most have an actual relationship. But he listened to me when I vented my frustration and sadness, and unhappiness about that particular day. And even if he took the candy from his mother and the bag and Valentines from his sister, which is a valid possibility, I still have a friend who thought of me and decided to cheer up my day. And as little of a gesture as it may have been... it did cheer up my day. Thanks Michael.

Anyway, after work I went home, watched A Walk to Remember, bawled my eyes out (just like I do every time I watch that movie), and ate myself into a chocolate oblivion. I was satisfied.

I'm putting out my own currency

Sometimes I model.

middle-school vampires

Last night I went to see Let the Right One In. It's a skillfully crafted movie about a twelve year old boy who inadvertently falls in love with a vampire has been at that same age... for a while. The film is horrifyingly gruesome but incredibly heartwarming... complete with necks being snapped, limbs being torn and thrown, a little girl gushing blood from all facial extremities... but also a prepubescent boy and girl begin to "go steady," share in their first (bloody) first kiss, and teach each other how to get along in a world so hard to understand.

"The Right One" is a Swedish film. I always wonder after seeing movies with subtitles how much more I would have enjoyed it if I were able to watch and understand it in its original tongue. I mean, even my favorite American movies just would not be the same without being able to understand tones of voice and different inflections... for me, those things are very often what make or break a movie. So it's always fascinating when I thoroughly enjoy a movie even when all I can do is read the dialogue silently.

plans for 2009

Oh hi! I haven't really told anyone this yet, and I probably won't, at least not until I've actually sent in an application, but... my current plan is to return to UML in September 2009 as an English major with a concentration in Writing. I could only put it off for so long, but I guess that was always what I would inevitably do. I'm out of practice writing, I need to take some classes at the very least for the sake of getting back into the swing of things!

Also, I'm probably going to go to California in February or March, and I'm going to Haiti in April. Hopefully Europe will come sometime in the Summer. There's still time to figure that one out.

I started reading Dracula about a month ago, and I still haven't finished. I read half of it within a week, and then I just put it down and haven't picked it up again. I feel kind of guilty about it. It's just not exciting. Sorry, Dad.

an oldie but a goodie

happy new year!

It's 2009! It's so weird to think that it was nine whole years ago that the whole Y2K thing took place... remember that?? Everyone was so freaked out about what was going to happen... and here we are, nine years later.

I've experienced a LOT of changes in the past year. I had an infinite number of good times, a bunch of bad ones, but came out of the bad ones stronger and smarter. I graduated from Middlesex, worked a lot, got my heart broken a couple times, made friends, lost friends, strengthened friendships, and learned SO much. It may not have been the easiest or most pleasant year yet, but it was certainly an educational experience and I'm glad I lived through it.

Now for this year... I have high hopes. I hope to do some travel, cling tight to my friends, and... shh... don't tell anyone. Maybe I'll go back to school. I kind of realized that the people who say "it's okay, college isn't for everyone" are flat-out lying and hoping that by encouraging me to stay out of school, they will in turn increase their own chances at getting a high-paid job. I may not ever enjoy college, but I think it's something I might have to get through in order to be a normal and respectable... and well-paid adult. I'm going to see Kenny Chesney on August 15! I am possibly going back to Haiti in April, and hopefully I'll be headed to CA before then.

I hope it's a good year. We shall see.