This past weekend didn't go exactly as I had planned, but it was still lovely. Instead of fasting for about two days as I had planned, I fasted for about 12 hours. I think I accomplished all that I had planned on, and even a little more. I spent Friday afternoon walking around Walden Pond (the weather was BEAUTIFUL), stopping as often as I felt to sit, look, think, write, meditate, pray. It didn't take me long to realize that instead of starving myself for a second day, it would be much more meaningful and fulfilling to spend some time with my family. So I spent Saturday morning making jewelry with my mom, grandmother, aunts, and Suzie, and I spent Saturday night feasting on sushi with Spence. On Sunday, after packing all of the donations that we're taking to Haiti, I went to church and then out to a ridiculous restaurant with Rob and Suzie. About a month ago I won a $100 gift certificate on the radio to Masa, and I decided to take them. We had a really fun time, and I don't think I've ever eaten a meal nearly as expensive as that one.
Last night I spent a much-needed night out with Ripley and Michael. Ripley had a gift certificate to Denny's, so we went. I'd never been to Denny's before! It seemed to me to just be IHOP, but with different colored tables, and a slightly more trendy music selection. It was so good to hang out with them... I can't believe how lucky I am to have them for friends, and to have had them for so long.
Well, tomorrow I leave for Haiti. I'm a little nervous all of a sudden, probably more about the fact that I haven't started packing than anything else. I guess I should go do that...
3.31.2009
3.27.2009
natural segregation?
This morning as I waited at LGH to get blood drawn, I noticed something very odd. The way the waiting room is set up is there is a big room, which is separated into smaller room-type things with chairs set up in U shapes, which a row of large fake plants separating each U. The chair U closest to the room that everyone is waiting to get into also has a TV, but none of the others do. This is the section that I naturally walked to. I mean, it was closest to where I wanted to end up, it had a TV, and something about it just seemed... natural. Of course, I didn't think that through, it's just where I automatically went.
Then, after sitting for about ten minutes, I began to realize that the waiting room was separated into racial groups. I was sitting in a U of chairs entirely filled with Caucasian people, the one next door had Black and Latino people, and the one next to that had people of Asian descent. I noticed this, and it disturbed me... why are people doing this? Why does it just happen, with no noticeable intent? Why did I also subconsiously follow the masses?
A woman sitting in the U beside the one I was in had her name called. It wasn't her turn yet, but she was next. As I saw her walking over towards us, I thought "this is good, she's going to sit down. This whole thing was just in my head." But, she didn't sit down. She stood, just outside of our little section. Maybe it was just because she knew she'd have to get up again soon? I hope so.
Then, after sitting for about ten minutes, I began to realize that the waiting room was separated into racial groups. I was sitting in a U of chairs entirely filled with Caucasian people, the one next door had Black and Latino people, and the one next to that had people of Asian descent. I noticed this, and it disturbed me... why are people doing this? Why does it just happen, with no noticeable intent? Why did I also subconsiously follow the masses?
A woman sitting in the U beside the one I was in had her name called. It wasn't her turn yet, but she was next. As I saw her walking over towards us, I thought "this is good, she's going to sit down. This whole thing was just in my head." But, she didn't sit down. She stood, just outside of our little section. Maybe it was just because she knew she'd have to get up again soon? I hope so.
3.23.2009
hungry
So, I'm probably going to do a 40 hour fast this weekend. I'm leaving for Haiti in 9 days. When I went last June, the thing I struggled with the most was going out into villages, playing with and showering love on kids and adults who were starving, telling them about Jesus (which I do think is incredibly important), and then leaving them... and going back to our house and eating like kings. Sure, sometimes we'd give the kids a tootsie roll, but for someone who maybe gets one meal a day? Not so helpful. Maybe even harmful.
We aren't fed so well just for fun... there is a purpose for it. We're Americans who are used to eating three meals a day, who have traveled a great distance to a country with rampant disease to work in not so great conditions for very long hours. The fact is, we need our sustenance if we're going to work efficiently. But knowing that didn't make me feel any less guilty. I knew I had to eat, but I couldn't help but think about all the people I'd seen who could use the food so much more than I could.
So, I've decided to fast. The purpose is to pray, meditate, and prepare for my trip both mentally and spiritually. I want to take time to prepare, but also to get the whole guilt thing out of my system. By fasting I will hopefully be able to relate better instead of just having guilt and pity that is completely foreign and unintelligible. I considered 3 days, because it's a nice round number. I considered 30 hours, because I've done 30 hours before. I decided that 3 days, taking my body size into consideration, is too long. It's also important that I be able to do this while not working, since being hungry and at work will not be conducive to what I am trying to achieve. 30 hours is simply not long enough. So, 40 hours, modeled after the 40 days that Jesus fasted, is my conclusion. Long enough to experience hunger, short enough not to lose scary amounts of weight, and conveniently, I have this whole weekend off of work.
So, there's my plan. I'm getting ready to be hungry.
We aren't fed so well just for fun... there is a purpose for it. We're Americans who are used to eating three meals a day, who have traveled a great distance to a country with rampant disease to work in not so great conditions for very long hours. The fact is, we need our sustenance if we're going to work efficiently. But knowing that didn't make me feel any less guilty. I knew I had to eat, but I couldn't help but think about all the people I'd seen who could use the food so much more than I could.
So, I've decided to fast. The purpose is to pray, meditate, and prepare for my trip both mentally and spiritually. I want to take time to prepare, but also to get the whole guilt thing out of my system. By fasting I will hopefully be able to relate better instead of just having guilt and pity that is completely foreign and unintelligible. I considered 3 days, because it's a nice round number. I considered 30 hours, because I've done 30 hours before. I decided that 3 days, taking my body size into consideration, is too long. It's also important that I be able to do this while not working, since being hungry and at work will not be conducive to what I am trying to achieve. 30 hours is simply not long enough. So, 40 hours, modeled after the 40 days that Jesus fasted, is my conclusion. Long enough to experience hunger, short enough not to lose scary amounts of weight, and conveniently, I have this whole weekend off of work.
So, there's my plan. I'm getting ready to be hungry.
3.20.2009
Obama and Special Olympics
You may have heard, and if you haven't already, I'm sure you will hear all about a comment that Barack Obama made the other day, comparing his lack of bowling skills to the Special Olympics. He's had to publicly apologize for it, and of course people are in an uproar.
Seriously?
Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am not exactly an Obama supporter. I have said some pretty awful things about him in my day. But... really? The Special Olympics were created so that disabled people can compete in their own version of the Olympics... the original version of which they'd never stand a chance. The whole point is that because of mental or physical handicaps, they are unable to come anywhere near the level at which Olympic games are played. So, Obama was saying that he is incapable of bowling like a normal person. Is that so wrong? He made a joke. I laughed.
Seriously?
Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I am not exactly an Obama supporter. I have said some pretty awful things about him in my day. But... really? The Special Olympics were created so that disabled people can compete in their own version of the Olympics... the original version of which they'd never stand a chance. The whole point is that because of mental or physical handicaps, they are unable to come anywhere near the level at which Olympic games are played. So, Obama was saying that he is incapable of bowling like a normal person. Is that so wrong? He made a joke. I laughed.
3.16.2009
things to come
Hiii. I'm sitting here listening to showtunes, wondering what this week will hold. I need to apply to college, but let's face it, I'm terrified. I tried three different schools already and none of them "were right" (at the time, anyway). What if I talk this up so much, tell everyone how great it is that I've finally figured out what I'm going to do with my life, and then... I don't get into nursing school? Or what if I get in, start going, and then immediately hit the same wall I've hit three times already, the feeling of "this just isn't for me." I know one thing, and that's that I can't work in food service for the rest of my life. Something has to change, and in order for that change to occur I have to get off my behind and get a degree. Is it just sheer laziness that's kept me from that point so far? Laziness, cowardice, lying to myself. It's probably one or all of those.
Well. I'm going to Haiti in 16 days. I'm going to do as much nursing type things as I can while I'm there, and assuming I still don't lose my control and pass out or throw up, I'm going to consider it a sign that that's what I should be doing. I should probably fill out an application, or at least get my transcripts ready to go before then. I could totally see myself just putting it off until I miss a date, and then just use that as an excuse for putting it off another semester. One thing that I am excited for about going back to school... is that I will once again be in a place where it's not horribly intimidating to audition for a show. I want to be on stage again. It's been waaay too long, especially considering that it used to be what I thought I was going to do with my life. Soon, I'll try it again.
Well. I'm going to Haiti in 16 days. I'm going to do as much nursing type things as I can while I'm there, and assuming I still don't lose my control and pass out or throw up, I'm going to consider it a sign that that's what I should be doing. I should probably fill out an application, or at least get my transcripts ready to go before then. I could totally see myself just putting it off until I miss a date, and then just use that as an excuse for putting it off another semester. One thing that I am excited for about going back to school... is that I will once again be in a place where it's not horribly intimidating to audition for a show. I want to be on stage again. It's been waaay too long, especially considering that it used to be what I thought I was going to do with my life. Soon, I'll try it again.
3.14.2009
Facebook is actually EVIL.
Did you know that a few weeks ago Facebook, with very little warning, changed their policies, so now they actually OWN all of your photos. They can do whatever they want, whenever they want, with every single picture that you or one of your friends uploads. How crazy is that? I mean, I guess that as long as you have nothing to hide, you should have nothing to worry about, but honestly... we shouldn't have to worry about things like that.
Furthermore, think about how much this website controls each of our lives. Now we all have it on our cellphones, whether it's by texting the site, or just by using the internet on our cellphones. This website is actually attached to many of us at the hand. It is certainly attached to most of us at the mind, since it guides our lives in a way that, a few years ago, no one would have thought possible. That may sound silly, to say that "facebook guides our lives;" but, think about it. What's the first thing you do when you get home? For me and for most people I know, it is go to your computer, and check facebook. See if we have any wall posts or photo comments, or anything else. See if your friend played his move in your Scrabble game. You know.
And no matter what Facebook does to anger us, we keep using it. Think about all the changes that have happened, in 2005 Facebook went from a college-only networking site to allowing high school students in. College students eveywhere were enraged. It "took the legitimacy out of it." If they thought that was bad, "legitimacy" was really lost when Facebook decided to open its doors to people everywhere, whether students or otherwise. Back in 2006 it became what many of us called "stalkerbook," with newsfeed tellings us everything that was happening with our friends everywhere. I remember countless counter "groups" trying to convince the creators to go back to how it used to be. And now in the last year or so, it seems like new changes happen every month or so. And I'm talking major changes, in the way things look, things you can do, things you can't do, and things that Facebook can do with YOUR stuff. And how do we react? We make groups.
See what I mean? We're fighting fire with fire. Facebook LOVES it when we create angry groups, threatening to leave the site if they don't undo what they've done. No one's leaving. Facebook knows that. We'll never leave, because we're addicted. We're all stuck in this abusive Facebook relationship, and it's very complicated. Facebook does what it wants, makes us angry, steals our information, gossips about us, does all sorts of heartless, inappropriate things to us. But because we're all addicted to that little rush we get when we see "+ Friend Request!" or "-- wrote on your Wall." We're addicted to feeling like stars, knowing that all of our Facebook "Friends," just as addicted and unable to stop as we are, probably spend countless time staring at our photos or reading our self-descriptions.
I'm an addict. That's the first step, right? I want my life back. I want to quit Facebook.
Furthermore, think about how much this website controls each of our lives. Now we all have it on our cellphones, whether it's by texting the site, or just by using the internet on our cellphones. This website is actually attached to many of us at the hand. It is certainly attached to most of us at the mind, since it guides our lives in a way that, a few years ago, no one would have thought possible. That may sound silly, to say that "facebook guides our lives;" but, think about it. What's the first thing you do when you get home? For me and for most people I know, it is go to your computer, and check facebook. See if we have any wall posts or photo comments, or anything else. See if your friend played his move in your Scrabble game. You know.
And no matter what Facebook does to anger us, we keep using it. Think about all the changes that have happened, in 2005 Facebook went from a college-only networking site to allowing high school students in. College students eveywhere were enraged. It "took the legitimacy out of it." If they thought that was bad, "legitimacy" was really lost when Facebook decided to open its doors to people everywhere, whether students or otherwise. Back in 2006 it became what many of us called "stalkerbook," with newsfeed tellings us everything that was happening with our friends everywhere. I remember countless counter "groups" trying to convince the creators to go back to how it used to be. And now in the last year or so, it seems like new changes happen every month or so. And I'm talking major changes, in the way things look, things you can do, things you can't do, and things that Facebook can do with YOUR stuff. And how do we react? We make groups.
See what I mean? We're fighting fire with fire. Facebook LOVES it when we create angry groups, threatening to leave the site if they don't undo what they've done. No one's leaving. Facebook knows that. We'll never leave, because we're addicted. We're all stuck in this abusive Facebook relationship, and it's very complicated. Facebook does what it wants, makes us angry, steals our information, gossips about us, does all sorts of heartless, inappropriate things to us. But because we're all addicted to that little rush we get when we see "+ Friend Request!" or "-- wrote on your Wall." We're addicted to feeling like stars, knowing that all of our Facebook "Friends," just as addicted and unable to stop as we are, probably spend countless time staring at our photos or reading our self-descriptions.
I'm an addict. That's the first step, right? I want my life back. I want to quit Facebook.
3.05.2009
so much to do
Next Friday is the Coffee House that I've been attempting to plan for the past couple months. I'm nervous because it feels like nothing is ready... I have five acts, possibly an MC, possibly food, and probably coffee. I have a sound guy, too, assuming he can get there in time after work. GAH.
I'm going to Haiti in less than a month. I still have to get all my vaccines... I just made an appointment at a travel clinic, and I am SO thankful that there wasn't a three month wait list or something, like there was when I need vaccinations last year. I still need to mail out my support letters for my trip. I thought I was going to be able to pay for this trip on my own, but it's looking more and more like I'll need some help. So little time..
A trip to Ireland is being planned for June with Ripley. Money is... so costly. But travel is... so incredible. I really hope this trip works out.
This weekend I'm babysitting for my little cousins. I can't wait to see them and play with them, but, let's face it. There are things that I seriously need to get done.
SO LITTLE TIME.
I'm going to Haiti in less than a month. I still have to get all my vaccines... I just made an appointment at a travel clinic, and I am SO thankful that there wasn't a three month wait list or something, like there was when I need vaccinations last year. I still need to mail out my support letters for my trip. I thought I was going to be able to pay for this trip on my own, but it's looking more and more like I'll need some help. So little time..
A trip to Ireland is being planned for June with Ripley. Money is... so costly. But travel is... so incredible. I really hope this trip works out.
This weekend I'm babysitting for my little cousins. I can't wait to see them and play with them, but, let's face it. There are things that I seriously need to get done.
SO LITTLE TIME.
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